I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
