you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
