Your face is a jimmy john
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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