I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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