i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize