So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
