New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
