dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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