So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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