please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
