She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
