Apparently you make a good broom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
