After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
