is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
