Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
