Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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