Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
