I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
