why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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