actually, I'm a sock model
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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