I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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