I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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