Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
