Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
