you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
