So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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