It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
