i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
