Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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