Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
