just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
