I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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