Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
