You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize