9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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