There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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