Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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