did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
