We're like a lot better than the average bears
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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