At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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