So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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