I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
