Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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