He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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