Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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