So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
