ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As shirtless as possible
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
