never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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