Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
