Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
