I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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