I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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