After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
