I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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