you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
