I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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