I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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