so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
