She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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