I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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