he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
