I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
