actually, I'm a sock model
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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