I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
