That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize