Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Let's get the cat blown out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize