It's like God shit irony all over that family
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
