if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She bit a glass in half.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
