Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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