It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
