If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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